Some choice bon mots from our most creative readers

New restaurant: “In Spanish, ‘Nuevo Restaurante'”; “Definitely NOT the Cheesecake Factory.”

Pizza: “Magnolia’s. (Why oh why did Two Paisans close???)”

Burgers: “My kitchen (I put stinky cheese inside
mine)”; “In ‘N Out in Southern California – sorry,
nothing local compares!”

Barbecue: “Dianasour”; “Diansaur”; “Dinasaur”; “Dinasor”; “Dinasore”; “Dinasour”; “Dinasaure”;
“Dinosaurs”; “Dinosour”; “Dinosuar.” Honorable mention: “Fat Lips.”

Wings: “Hopefully on a bird.”

Steak house: “Too broke for steak.”

Bakery: “The one where Boulder Coffee gets their
pastries; I don’t know the name!”

Pie: “Massage parlor.”

Coffee: “7-11. Yes, 7-11.”

Beer selection: “Hey, Lux
has Pabst, that’s all I need.”

Wine selection: “I can’t help iiiiit!”,
“It’s too haaaaard!”, “But why nooooot?!”,
“I can’t doooooiiiit!”

Happy hour: “They are never happy, go to AA.”

Upscale eatery: “Gitsis (jk, Edibles)”

Outdoor patio: “Back yard (hot tub!)”

Regional winery: “Dr. Funkenstien”;
“Whatever one has the goat on it.”

Place to eat at 3
a.m.: “Mark’s; wear armour.”

Place to take the kids: “The Bug Jar on a Thursday
night”; “JAIL”

Place to take vegetarians: “A deserted island”; “A
grassy field”; “A slaughterhouse”; “Away, please”; “R Wing”; “The doctor”

Spot to eat alone: “That new bus stop that looks like
an umbrella.”

Caterer: “That chick I knew once.”

Club to hear live music: “Tunnel from Blue Cross to
the parking garage; this is for you, Accordion Guy

Place to dig some poetry: “Spoken word poetry makes me
anxious.”

Place to dance: “I guess other people’s weddings now”;
“My face”

Place to people watch: “Hall of Justice”; “Philadelphia,
oops, did I say that out loud?”

Kids entertainment: “Throwing rocks”; “Anything to do with kids is NOT entertaining”; “Klassy Kat”

Reliable weatherperson: “My knees”; “Jesus”

TV news hottie (male): “News
should not have hotties.”

Commercial for a local business: “The fat bastard who
says ‘huge'”; “Anything but the HUGE Hyundai! Hate them!!!”

Place for a first date: “The back of my car.”

Place for a last date: “Her best friend’s bed”;
“Public spot, in case she kills you.”

Place to pick up a one-night stand: “Lyell
Ave, bring cash”; “Somewhere my husband is not.”

Strip club: “City Newspaper”

Stripper/exotic dancer: “That lady at Dunkin Donuts.”

Adult bookstore: “Dad’s closet”

Outdoor make-out spot: “Wherever Bob and I happen to
be standing at that point in time.”

Place to ice skate: “490, in my car.”

Bingo Hall: “Anywhere that is Macedonian orthodox”;
“I’m not 80.”

Public pool: “Doesn’t matter, I’ve peed in all of
them.”

Politician in need of slap to the head: “Can’t tell
you, I work in politics.”

Place to see and be seen: “Corner of Conkey & Ave D.”

Greater Rochester bragging point: “Hey, we’re not Syracuse!”;
“We’re not Buffalo.”

Use of public funds: “Wasted all of them”; “What
public funds?”

Misuse of public funds: “Fred and Sue bridge. U-G-L-Y!!
(I’m sorry, Fred and Sue)”; “The ugly red sculpture by 104.”

Local celebrity: “The hairy dude from the band Pengo — I see that guy everywhere.”

Local gripe: “The only thing wrong with Rochester
is people complaining about it. It’s not so bad.”

Place to find affordable gas: “My neighbor’s car.”

Jewelry store: “That guy’s overcoat on Dewey and Lyell.”

Secondhand clothing store: “People are dirty, and I
want to wear their clothing?”

Shoe store: “I wear an 11,
they’re all clown shoes to me.”

Antique store: “The many curbs of Rochester”;
“Antiques make me sneeze.”

This article appears in Nov 14-20, 2007.