After last week’s shocker of an episode I didn’t know what
to expect for this week. Apparently most of the ladies felt the same way and
expressed their shock at seeing Trixie Mattel sent packing while barely awake
Pearl got to stay. Judging by the tears on the runway, one would think that
Pearl was grateful for the opportunity to stay and show the judges what she can
do — but the second she gets backstage she says she’s “over the judges” and
pouts. I’m angry and it’s only two minutes into the episode. I had to press
pause and go make myself a drink.
Ru announced the mini challenge for the week: the queens
will be making paper versions of classic celebrity red carpet looks. They were
paired off based on where they were standing and assigned a celebrity.
Ginger Minj and Kandy Ho: Lil’ Kim
(purple pasties).
JaidynnDiore
Fierce and Kennedy Davenport: Lady Gaga (I actually thought they could have
picked something more over-the-top).
Pearl and Max: Cher (black and spiky Bob Mackie).
Mrs. Kasha Davis and Katya: Bjork (swan dress).
Violet Chachki and Miss Fame:
Jennifer Lopez (*That* dress that was basically a
robe)
This mini challenge was fun to watch and I thought everyone
did well. Seeing Ginger Minj in a skin tight, purple,
paper suit with a shell pasty made my life. The obvious winner for the
challenge was Katya — her impression of Bjork consisted of making nonsensical
noises and looking around with child-like wonder (which, to be honest, is a
pretty spot on Bjork impression) and it totally worked. The added bonus was
Mrs. Kasha Davis as the late, great Joan Rivers. Katya and Kasha took home the
win and were given the honor to host the first annual DESPY Awards, #SnatchingTrophies.
The queens would be working in their current pairs as both
the presenters and the nominees, and were tasked with coming up with funny
banter as well as acceptance speeches if should they win. Presenting for “Sexy Sexy Drag Queen,” Kennedy and Jaidynn;
“Most Busted Queen,” Pearl and Max; “Shadiest Queen,” Ginger and Kandy Ho; and “Meatiest
Tuck,” Violet and Miss Fame. Kathy Griffin returned to the show to as the
comedy coach.
The queens broke into their teams to start brainstorming —
and this is where things got UNCOMFORTABLE. Ru came in to check on everyone’s
progress and when Ru got to Pearl and Max, it went wrong. It went very, very
wrong.
First, Ru told Pearl that she did not have a big
personality. Pearl said that she thinks she has a great personality because OF
COURSE SHE DOES. So Ru just stared at her … for so long. I could actually feel
my body sinking into the couch. Pearl asked Ru if she has something on her face
… SHUT UP, PEARL! Poor Max just sat; I just wanted to give her a hug. Ru just
wants Pearl to do well and walks away. Pearl says she’s over this bullshit and
walks out of the workroom.
Did someone lock the door behind her? Throw the deadbolt!
No? *Sigh*
It was time for the ladies to rehearse with Kathy Griffin
and she’s not impressed with any of them. Kennedy and Jaidynn
are starting every sentence with “Girl”; Miss Fame and Violet are being too
blue but they don’t know what that means; and Max and Pearl are throwing too
much shade. It’s back to the drawing board for everyone.
At this point, all the ladies have to vote for which queens
will actually win a DESPY Awards. We’re also given a little backstory on Pearl
and her abandonment issues, which is actually sad and might be why she is so
guarded. And we’re also given chicken grooming tips by Miss Fame — so there’s
that.
The judges for The DESPY Awards were Michelle Visage, Ross
Matthews, and Isaac Mizrahi. The DESPYs actually go over pretty well. Mrs.
Kasha Davis fumbled at the start, but she and Katya looked great and called out
Pearl for being the “drag equivalent of a Valium taking a Xanex
in a K-hole.” TRUTH. Actually, all the presenters did pretty well. I thought Jaidynn and Kennedy were hysterical. Below are the winners:
Sexy Sexy Drag Queen: Miss Fame
Most Busted Drag Queen: Jaidynn
Dior Fierce
Shadiest Queen: Violet Chachki
(duh) “You don’t like me! You really don’t like me!”
Meatiest Tuck: Katya
Ru announced that Pearl and Max are the winners of the
challenge, and Pearl thanked Ru for being so hard on her. She kind of stepped
it up this week but I still can’t get behind her. Kennedy and Jaidynn are safe, but the judges felt that Kandy Ho needs
to up her game, especially when she’s paired with a personality like Ginger Minj.
At this point, I am amazed that Kandy Ho is still here — she
has contributed nothing to this competition and has managed to skate by each
week while being a wallflower. Isaac thought
that Kasha needed to take it completely over the top and he loved Violet. Miss
Fame’s performance was low energy — but in her defense, she “doesn’t know how
to turn off her thinker.” *Cricket noises*
Ginger was safe, Miss Fame was safe, Katya was safe, Violet
was safe. Wait a minute — is Kasha going to be up for elimination? No!
Kasha and Kandy Ho were both up for elimination and will be
lip syncing to Teena Marie’s “Lovergirl.”
This is sad. This is really, really sad. To see someone like Pearl — who looks
like she barely cares that she wakes up in the morning, let alone be a viable
competitor on this show — be allowed to stay each week and someone like Kasha,
who is hungry for this and has so much more to show the judges up for
elimination? It’s BS. I don’t like it.
Kandy Ho stays, Kasha sashays away — and I want to turn the
TV off, forever.
Next Monday: Ru’s Story
This article appears in Apr 1-7, 2015.
Gurrrrll!!! ❤️❤️❤️