Years
ago, my esteemed predecessor, Ms. Dayna Papaleo,
founded her very own award ceremony to rival the Oscars, and to acknowledge the
films and filmmakers she deemed worthy of honoring for their cinematic
achievements over the previous year. These prestigious awards came to be known
as “The Daynas.” Tragically, over the intervening
years, Ms. Papaleo developed a nasty candy addiction,
squandered her fortune, and allowed the naming rights for the awards to lapse.
Thus the annual ceremony was suspended and remained but a distant memory… until
now.
It’s
with no small amount of excitement that I hereby announce the resurrection of
those awards, with the presentation of the freshly monikered
1st Annual “Lubies.” To commemorate this momentous
occasion, I invited all of Hollywood’s A-listers to
my humble apartment, stocked up on cheap wine, and doled out golden “everything”
burritos to the honorees because, really, there is no greater reward anyone can
receive than a delicious everything burrito. Plus, having the awards double as
catering really cut down on my overhead costs.
With
that out of the way, on we go to the winners of the 1st Annual Lubies!
Best
Supporting Actor: Dwayne Johnson, “Pain
and Gain”
That’s
right, you heard me. No matter what your thoughts on Michael Bay or his most
recent cinematic endeavor, there’s no denying that Johnson’s turn as a dim-bulb
cokehead would-be kidnapper was comedic brilliance.
Best
Supporting Actress: Scarlett Johansson, “Her,”
“Don Jon”
Not
only did Johansson manage to craft a compelling, fully realized character out
of thin air as the OS, Samantha, in Spike Jonze’s
melancholy tale of technological romance, but she added depth to what could
have been a simple stereotype with her performance as a New Jersey princess in
Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s directorial debut.
Best
Actor: Michael B. Jordan, “Fruitvale
Station”; Robert Redford, “All
is Lost”; Simon Pegg, “The World’s End”
This
is my awards ceremony, so I don’t have to hold myself to any sort of
consistency or logic (translation: the wine had already gotten to me at this
point). So I handed out burritos to all three of these worthy recipients. Three
wildly different performances, but all thrillingly alive and complex.
Best
Actress: Brie Larson, “Short Term 12”
All
due respect to Cate Blanchett, who is fully deserving
of the acclaim she’s gotten (and will continue to get, come Oscar night) for
“Blue Jasmine,” but Larson’s performance as a young supervisor at a home for
troubled youth was the best performance of the year. Destin Cretton’s
smartly observed and deeply moving film will be screening at the Dryden March
15-16, and you shouldn’t miss it.
Biggest
Thrill: “You’re Next”
I
didn’t have a better time at the cinema last year than with Adam Wingard’s wildly entertaining, tongue-in-cheek take on the
home-invasion slasher flick. A total blast, and even
better when watched with a rowdy, and enthusiastic crowd.
Biggest
Trip: “Upstream Color”
Shane Carruth’s mind-bending tale of love, loss, pig farmers, and
brain-controlling worms was the most mesmerizingly strange experience at the
movies this year. It’s currently streaming on Netflix, and I recommend watching
it somewhere with a great sound system so you can take advantage of the film’s
impeccable sound design.
The
Completely Overrated: “Dallas Buyers
Club”
Yes, McConaughey’s performance was good, but in the age of the McConaissance, that’s increasingly commonplace. And the
film’s underlying insinuation that the only way mainstream audiences will watch
a film about the AIDS crisis is if it features a straight man as a protagonist
was deeply problematic. I thought we left that mindset behind in the 90’s with
“Philadelphia.” And don’t even get me started on Jared Leto’s
skin-deep performance as a transgendered woman named Rayon, who exists solely
so the hero can learn a valuable lesson in tolerance. Nevermind
that the real-life Ron Woodroof might not have been so straight after all. (There
are reports that I chucked a half-eaten burrito at Leto’s
head in the middle of presenting this award, but I refuse to dignify those
malicious rumors with a response).
The
Poetically Underrated: “Inside Llewyn Davis”
It
seems somehow fitting that the Coen brothers’
brilliant, richly layered portrait of an unappreciated musical genius was
largely ignored by the Academy, so I guess I’m ok with it. The fantastic
soundtrack, produced (as seemingly every great soundtrack is) by T-Bone
Burnett, has been on heavy rotation in my apartment for months now.
The
Better Than It Had Any Reason To Be Award: “White House Down”
It’s a
throwback to the knowingly stupid (and stupidly fun) action movies of the mid-90’s; full of flag-waving, explosions, and ‘Murica! Thank you, Roland Emmerich,
you magnificent bastard.
Best
Film That Functions as a Commentary On Itself: “Stories
We Tell”
Actress
and director Sarah Polley mined one of her own
family’s long-buried secrets to create this deeply personal documentary, and
what she emerged with was a fascinating exploration of the elusive nature of
truth, memory, and the power of storytelling itself.
The
Let’s See What Sticks Award: James Franco
Appearing
in (roughly) a bajillion movies
per year significantly improves the odds of delivering a great performance, so
perhaps it’s not surprising that Franco managed to turn in two in 2013. First
he was a hardcore rapper who’s not quite as hardcore as he’d like to believe,
in Harmony Korine’s venomous satire, “Spring Breakers.”
Then he excelled as a funhouse mirror version of himself in Evan Goldberg and
Seth Rogen’s post-apocalyptic comedy, “This is the
End.”
The
Wishes Come True Award: “Before
Midnight”
Nine
years ago, in this very space, Ms. Papaleo wished for
a second sequel to Richard Linklater’s heartfelt
romances “Before Sunrise” and “Before Sunset.” Granted, she had hoped that the
film would be “Before Lunch,” but when the result turned out as magnificent as “Before
Midnight,” I’m sure she’s OK with it.
Most
Uncomfortable Piano Duet: “Stoker”
Fair,
there wasn’t a whole lot of competition in this category, but if you’ve seen
this stylish, delightfully twisted gothic thriller from South
Korean director Park Chan-wook,
then you know precisely which scene I’m talking about.
Rookie
of the Year: Lake Bell, “In a World…”
Bell
wrote and directed her first feature film, about a young woman (played by Bell)
struggling to make it in the competitive voiceover industry, and turned in
something smart, funny, and even moving. And she did it all while managing to
work in some sly commentary about the hardships women face in Hollywood.
This article appears in Feb 26 – Mar 4, 2014.
