The bulk of this week’s episode was basically “Law &
Order: Westerosi Victims Unit,” a.k.a. the trial of Tyrion Lannister for the murder
of King Joffrey. Honestly I wish the entire episode
had been devoted to it, because that was some gripping television that told the
story far better than the books did. The other plotlines tonight were largely
unexciting, but did serve to move a few other arcs along.
We’ll start in a new location, Braavos
(I always love when we get new sites on the world map!), where Stannis and Davos sought to get
financial backing from the Iron Bank. This never happened in the books — or if
it did, it was all off page. Stannis disappeared
after the Battle of the Blackwater, only reappearing
at the end of Book 3 in a completely unexpected location. The Iron Bank and its
financial leverage over Westerosis
alluded to fairly frequently in the books, but the show seems to be making it a
more explicit plot point. Hence the casting of Mark Gatiss
as a bank representative, the world’s fussiest loan officer (do not take any
buttons from crazy old ladies who want mortgage extensions, Mark!) who
initially turned down Stannis’s request for dinero. But once again Davos
proved himself to be one of the shrewdest characters in this universe, arguing
that if the bank continues to back the Lannisters, it
is going to be SOL once Tywin kicks it. Yeah, can you
imagine how bad Cersei’s credit score is? She can’t
stop buying all of that gaudy costume jewelry from Medieval QVC’s Mary Queen of
Scots collection… Anyway, It appears that Davos’
gambit was successful, as he immediately took some coins and repurchased pirate
Salladhor Saan’s services.
But Salladhor seemed awfully unhappy about that
arrangement, and wasn’t just about Davos’ A-plus cockblocking game.
Hey everybody, Yara Greyjoy still exists! Unfortunately it seems that her
entire personal plotline has been jettisoned by this show and instead she’s
being wound into Theon’s drama much earlier. I hope that
doesn’t end up being the case. I really like Yara (or
Asha, as she’s known in the books) and her Book 4
arc, which goes much deeper into her extended family and the Ironborn, and includes some super interesting twists that I
personally expect to play a part in the series’ endgame. Anyway, in this
episode Yara and a crew attacked the Dreadfort in an attempt to free Theon.
But Theon was full-on Patty Hearst-ing and refused to leave Ramsay Snow — Theon
doesn’t even believe he’s Theon anymore, just Reek.
There was a fight, Ramsay ran Yara off with his dogs
(but not before Theon literally BIT HIS SISTER), and Yara told the surviving members of her crew that Theon was dead. Except he’s not.
Ramsay — so very pretty, so very crazy — has a new mission for Reek that
involves him pretending to be Theon Greyjoy so that they can retake a castle. And he also gave
Reek/Theon a bath, but did not include any bubbles or
a rubber duckie. Ramsay really is a master torturer.
Over in Essos, Daenerys
met with her supplicants. If this bored you, strap in — the Dany
plotline gets stuck in this setting for quite a while. Among the subjects
seeking her aid was a shepherd whose entire herd of goats was wiped out by Drogon, Daenerys’s most
precocious dragon kid. (Aside: in the books, the goatherd loses more than his
animals to the dragons — although that might still be in the offing on the
show.) Dany also treated with Hizdahr zo Loraq, a scion of Meereen, who requested that Dany
allow them to remove the crucified slave owners from their crosses and bury
them. There was a decent debate over what is just, but ultimately Dany granted Hizdahr’s wish, and
probably also regretted going against Barristan Selmy’s advice about all that
crucifying thing in the first place. Basically Dany
is learning what all middle managers know: when you’re overseeing people, there
is no winning. There is only degrees of making people
angry. And Dany has already pissed off a LOT of
people.
And then it was on to the main event in King’s Landing. There was a brief meeting of the new Small Council,
which includes Oberyn Martell (he is SO much more
interesting in the show than he was in the books) and human sack of potatoes
Mace Tyrell. Of interest is that Tywin has put a
bounty on The Hound’s head, and that the Council is finally taking Dany seriously as a threat. Tywin
even asks Varys to send some of his “little birds”
across the Narrow Sea to infiltrate Camp Targaryen —
or possibly worse. (Aside: this was a very good Varys
episode, and served to remind us just how good he is at playing this game. But
do not for a second take that look at the Iron Throne as an indication that Varys has any intention to rule. Varys
works behind the scenes, which is where the real power lies. He is not stupid.)
Tyrion’s trial itself was filled
with great character moments. We got testimony against him from Cersei, dick knight MerynTrant, grandmaesterPycelle, and, interestingly, Varys
(please remember that a few episodes from now). During a recess Tywin and Jaime argued over the BS kangaroo court and Jaime
offered to leave the Kingsguard and go back to Casterly Rock to start a family if Tywin
let Tyrion live — and Tywin
immediately agreed. Because, of course, that is what Tywin
wanted all along. He has no love for Tyrion. None at all. But Tywin is shrewd,
and knew that this was a perfect bargaining chip to make Jaime do what Tywin believes is his familial duty. (Remember, Tywin never wanted Jaime on the Kingsguard
at all — but had he not been on it, Mad King Aerys
would have destroyed King’s Landing, and possibly all of Westeros.
So food for thought.) The deal was that Tyrion would
be found guilty, plead for mercy, and get sent to the Wall to serve as a member
of the Night’s Watch, while Jaime immediately surrendered his white cloak — a
lovely bit of black and white symmetry for the brothers Lannister.
But that didn’t exactly work out once Cersei
played her trump card: Shae. To my recollection, this was done differently in the show than it was in the books, where Shae’s actions kind of come out of nowhere. The show
has been building up Shae’s betrayal of Tyrion since the end of last season, and has made crystal
clear her motivations, and how she got involved with the other Lannisters. That is both a good thing and a bad thing. On
the one hand, it gave us that courtroom scene, which was brutal to watch (in a
good way). She lied about Tyrion’s role in Joffrey’s murder (she said that he planned it with Sansa as a way to get her to sleep with him), humiliated
him publicly, and basically said their entire relationship was a lie. That led
to some terrific acting from Peter Dinklage, as Tyrion watched once again as a woman he thought loved him
was coerced into betraying him in the most vicious way — and it was all
orchestrated by his family. But this version of the story is also unfortunate, because Shae’s
eventual betrayal of Tyrion in the books is such a blindside. So I’m sorry that the show won’t
have that impact.
After Shae atomized everything Tyrion believed, he went into full self-destruct mode and
told the crowd that not only did he wish he HAD killed Joffrey,
but he wished he could kill them all, too. Spoiler: Tyrion
will not be voted prom king this year. He then completely effed Tywin’s plan — and possibly consigned himself to
death — when he decided to forego a jury verdict and instead demanded a trial
by combat. Hey, it worked out well for him in the Vale!
NEXT: Bring your bibs, ladies (and gents of a certain
persuasion), because we’re getting a prime slab of shirtless beefcake in the
form of The Mountain Mark 3! And some other stuff. But
shirtless, giant-like Nordic man! Swinging a big-ass sword! YAAAAAAS!
This article appears in May 7-13, 2014.
That is the best description of Mace Tyrell ever.