Confession: I spoiled myself on the results of tonight’s
episode earlier this afternoon after some idiot posted the first 10 minutes of
NEXT week’s episode right on the Logo website. I watched it and knew who won
tonight’s challenge, who was in the Bottom 2, and who went home. But even if I
hadn’t gotten the sneak peek I wouldn’t have been surprised by the outcome.
This episode played out exactly as it should have, with the most deserving
Final 3 and a fourth-place finisher who arguably shouldn’t have even made it
this far.
The Final 4 — Alaska, Detox, Jinkx Monsoon, and Roxxxy Andrews — had a “bitch fest” mini-challenge in which they had to make drag puppets of
one of their competitors and read them for filth. It was literally the exact
same challenge from S4, and I kept waiting for Logo to pimp its bizarre new
show “Felt,” in which actual couples-therapy sessions are reenacted via
puppets. Alaska won this handily (see what I did there?) with her genuinely
funny jabs at Roxxxy, while Roxxxy
veered into cruelty with her take on Jinkx. It set
the tone for a generally sour Roxxxy for the entire
night. Guess with Coco gone the show needed a new villain — although Roxxxy’s been getting increasingly nasty over the past few
weeks, especially when it comes to Jinkx.
While Roxxxy was soaking in
bitterness, all four of the queens were asked to embrace sweetness for the main
challenge, the Sugar Ball. This was again an exact replica of the Final 4
episode from seasons 3 and 4, with the queens tasked with coming up with three
looks based around themes. The first look had to be “Super Sweet 16,” so young
and bubbly; the second was a take on Executive Realness (I LIVE for Executive
Realness and clapped like a monkey when RuPaul said
it); the third was Candy Couture. Although the whole challenge ostensibly had a
candy theme, only Roxxxy incorporated candy into each
of her looks. I found that extremely weird. What exactly is the challenge in
walking out in off-the-rack clothing? How does that test anything besides who has the bigger budget?
Here’s how each queen performed, top to bottom (rankings, I
mean; I don’t know their lives):
Alaska won the
challenge, and I’m frankly not sure how. Her Candy Couture outfit was
fantastic, no doubt, and that was even after clumps of the cotton-candy base
fell off in the work room. But the other two looks
were beyond plain. Her teen look was a basic black prom dress with a cheap bow
in her wig — standard Alaska at this point — the business outfit was a basic
black, fitted suit with some well-deployed props. She sold the looks, I guess,
but Alaska has rarely wowed us on the runway this season, and this episode was
no exception. That said, I really like her and I’m glad she made F3. I just
don’t think she should have won this challenge. The nod should have gone to…
Roxxxy Andrews, who really embraced this
challenge and clearly brought a lot of thought and attention to detail to her
looks. Some of the judges (including guest judge Bob
Mackie!) found her teen outfit to be too risqué, but I didn’t see it. Roxxxy is a naturally sexy queen and that’s going to
translate into the outfit. Also, have these people seen 16-year-olds lately?
I’m just saying. Roxxxy’s mannerisms were very spazzy teen, and I appreciated the marshmallow details. The
business outfit was her weakness, as she once again relied on the tear-away
reveal and the outfit underneath wasn’t even remotely professional looking.
Still, the gummy bear details were a nice touch. Her rainbow-licorice couture
dress was frankly stunning and required a LOT of work on her part, and showed a
level of craftsmanship that none of the other queens displayed. She was dinged
for the dress not obviously reading as candy, but…is that not the point? Aren’t
they supposed to elevate the unconventional materials? Perhaps I’m confusing it
with “Project Runway.” Anyway, Roxxxy should have won
based on the work presented and overall polish, but I think the producers
wanted the F3 queens to all have two wins going into the finale.
Jinkx Monsoon has been getting the underdog
edit for weeks now, and poor thing really needed it this episode. As the
pageant girls had been saying for a while, Jinkx has
been very lucky that there were precious few design-based challenges this
season. And that’s true. Jinkx is not a seamstress,
and her personal wardrobe is limited and very schticky.
That works with the character she has developed, but it’s a tough sell for this
kind of challenge. Jinkx weirdly seemed fixated on
incorporating a Christmas element to her couture look — I’m guessing this was
because of the candy canes she was using — but it overshadowed the candy
itself. She also wrestled with her narcolepsy as she apparently wrecked the
massive hoop skirt she’d been embellishing because she could barely stay conscious
while working on it. The end result was Jinkx coming
out in a red-and-white reindeer-esque outfit with
very little candy, which judge Santino Rice objected
to because he wanted to see candy glued all over everything. We know, Santino. We watched you on “Runway.” You love glue! Jinkx’s other looks were very throwback and kitschy, which
is perfectly Jinkx, but not in the spirit of the
challenge. She was forced to lipsynch for her life to
a kooky song that was very much in her wheelhouse, and which she nailed. The fact that THAT song was used for this episode, when Jinkx just HAPPENED to be in trouble, is awfully
coincidental to me. Also coincidental that the other three queens named
her as the weakest on the runway, when two episodes ago they all considered her
their stiffest competition. They saw an opportunity to push a major threat off
a cliff, and they tried their damnedest to give her the heave-ho.
But getting her wig snatched wasDetox, who got her third B2 appearance
for her output, which was really…not great. She nailed the 80’s power-bitch for
Executive Realness, and was obviously going for a “Grease 2” thing for the teen
drag. But her couture creation did not read as candy at all, it was ugly, and
she could barely walk in it. Not a great strategy when you have literally a 50
percent chance of being in the Bottom 2, performing for your continued presence
in this competition. But truly, Detox had very little
shot of making it to the finale. RuPaul told her
point blank in the work room that the judges had
certain expectations of Detox that “have not been
met.” Boy, howdy. That’s Detox’s run on this show in
a nutshell.
I was thinking about it earlier, and Detox
even making Final 6 is a little unfair, much less Final 4. She simply has not
turned in a level of work that justifies making it this far — at least, not
that the viewer has seen. Even in the one challenge she won, the kid’s show, other
queens made more of an impression — I can’t even remember what her chicken
character did/said. And so much of Detox’s output
this season in general has simply been unmemorable. I suspect that six months
from now I’ll look back fondly on Jinkx, Alaska, Roxxxy, Alyssa, and even Ivy. I will still seethe with
frustration over Coco and even Serena Cha-Cha. But Detox?
She was just there. Not bad. Not unlikable. But she simply did not break
through, and that makes no sense.
Because on paper, Detox has what
this show is looking for: Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent. But for
whatever reason none of that was connecting here. Her talking heads were
occasionally amusing, but her performances were almost always flat and her
runways were routinely slightly off. Her lipsynch,
which she is so proud of, was a big bag of nothing. The lip wiggle was old the
first time she deployed it and BEYOND tired after the third time out.
I’ve read theories that suggest that Detox
was holding back because of her friendship with Roxxxy
(doubt it), that Detox didn’t really want the win,
just the exposure (certainly plausible), that she was overwhelmed with pre-show
expectations (possibly, but the same could be said of Alaska), and that Detox simply isn’t a competitive person and thus a poor fit
for a reality-television competition. I suspect that last one is closest to the
truth. Detox has a fuck-you attitude; we saw it on
the show several times (“I’m over it” is her catchphrase for a reason). I
suspect it’s very difficult to have that approach to life and yet operate in a
situation where your success depends entirely on what other people think of
you.
I think Detox is a great drag
queen. I bet she’d be fun to have drinks with. But she was not a great
contestant for this show, and I suspect that she and the producers were as
surprised to discover that as the rest of us. Because she
definitely went in as a pre-show favorite. It just didn’t click. At least, from what we saw. Detox has voiced issues with her edit on social networking. I’m curious to see how she handles herself at the reunion, which I assume is taping next week.
Next: the Final 3, Judge RuPaul,
and Gloria Allred! Seek legal representation now.
This article appears in Apr 10-16, 2013.
