Self-love is a concept that is thrown around so casually and frequently these days it can sometimes feel meaningless. But I place firm stock in it, manifesting it through self-kindness, putting less pressure on yourself and not only accepting, but embracing your imperfections. Truly loving yourself means exploring who you are down to the core and giving yourself the grace to be a little (or maybe a lot more) vulnerable.
Here are a few (local) ways to practice self-love — whether it’s the most ubiquitous month for conversation hearts or just a regular Wednesday.
- Release your inhibitions
Brian Buttlett and Maximus Seng, cofounders of the inclusive, queer dance party JUICE BOX ROC and its beachfront spin-off RENDEZVOUS ROC, work hard to create spaces where rules and boundaries correlate directly with feeling safe and free to be one’s most authentic self. Both pop-up parties take place at rotating venues and allow for individualistic expression in both sober and altered states.
“Being a queer person in America is a tactile mission to stay alive,” said Buttlett. “Community is built by investing in it … You have to put out into the world what you want to experience.”
For the creative duo, this means providing a space where attendees can explore themselves without judgment, whether that’s through dressing to a theme, making out with a stranger or dancing until the sun comes up. Until @juiceboxroc returns in March, catch @brianbuttlet and @maxxie DJing at Flora, a newly opened queer bar at 190 Monroe Avenue. juiceboxroc.party
- Find your pleasure
At Medusas, 226 Monroe Ave., you’ll never be shamed for wanting to explore your body or learn more about what brings you pleasure. But since Randy Gill opened the adult boutique in 2022, he and his team have fought against the stigma that sex shops and adult stores are gross and antiquated. Rather, Gill desires to create a store that is community-oriented in a genuine way, offering a safe space to explore sexuality.
Under an “HR manager” named Tiffany (who happens to be a cat), the Medusas team educates and helps visitors over the age of 18 explore sex and pleasure. Sex positivity is a core principle of the store, whether realized in toys, bondage or gender-affirming items.
“[I sought to] remove gatekeeping from exploring kink,” said Gill, adding he prides himself on accessible pricing and only sells things that are body-safe. “Kink is inclusive for everyone, from all walks of life.” medusasroc.com
- Boost your confidence
Book a boudoir or goddess shoot with Dear Blossom Studios. For the uninitiated, boudoir is typically shot onsite in a bedroom and focuses on confidence and empowerment; whereas goddess shoots are typically done outdoors and focus on an individual’s creativity. Because these are such intimate processes, Dear Blossom Studios owners Emma Rizzo and Sammi Cohen make an effort to get to know each client before they ever begin clicking the shutter.
“There’s a person behind the camera — it’s a two way relationship, your unique self is welcome here,” said Rizzo.
With boudoir specifically, Cohen said the studio focuses on making sure the client feels comfortable and confident; the experience should be safe for everybody (and every body).
“It can feel selfish, superficial and unnecessary to celebrate yourself in this way, but it’s a wonderful gift you can give yourself,” she said. “You aren’t doing it to get a job or promote your business — you’re doing it to remember this moment in your life.” dearblossomstudios.com
- Adore your body
Browse for a bra (or another piece of lingerie) that makes you feel confident. Since 2020, Patrice Haley has been offering well-fitting bras and other pieces at her Every Body Bras & Intimates in Victor Crossing (another location in Fayetteville outside Syracuse opened first, in 2010).
For women and femme-presenting folks, a properly fitting bra is essential not only to self-confidence but also affects posture, how clothes fit and how you carry yourself. The shop’s staff is trained on how to meet guest’s needs, whether it’s a garment for everyday wear, a supportive sports bra, something strapless to go under a gown or something sexy.
“The fit is easy,” said Haley. “It’s finding something comfortable, that makes them feel confident, that they’re actually going to wear — the whole idea is we work one-on-one at their comfort level.” everybodybras.com
- Feed your fantasy
Get lost in a story. Erotica and romance books are having a mainstream moment in a major way — stories ranging from platonic and queer, to dark romance and enemies-to-lovers. Monster smut lines window displays and marquees alike. Love stories have sprung to the forefront of pop culture in a way that lets the reader or viewer explore what makes their heart flutter and turn all warm and gooey. (Sometimes it just takes witnessing someone else stand up and fight for the love they deserve to push you to do the same for yourself.)
My favorite love story on the page from the past year was “First Time Caller” by B.K. Borison — the sequel, “And Now, Back to You,” hits shelves February 24. My favorite love story onscreen was “Heated Rivalry,” now streaming on HBO.
- Take yourself on a date
You don’t need a partner to do all the things you enjoy and find fulfilling. In fact, you’re likely to know yourself better when you sit with yourself and learn what activities and quiet moments bring you true joy and satisfaction.
Go out to dinner solo, go to the movies, go to the theater — anything you would do with someone else you can do with yourself, too. My personal favorite (recurring) solo date last year was to the Living Roots tasting room, 1255 University Ave. livingrootswine.com
Florence Cardella is a Rochester native, full-time bartender and sometimes writer and photographer who searches for community at every possible turn and looks for whimsy in the unexpected. You can follow her @themidnightlibrarian.
