Happy Eskimo Pie Patent Day!
This here internet was supposed to be
making my life less stressful, with the online shopping, unlimited information
of dubious origin, and free porn. Instead, my agitation is compounding because I’ve
just learned that Tweed Day is right around the corner (April 3), yet I’m fresh
out! And it’s all Teddy Geiger’s fault (well, maybe it isn’t, but I figured I’d
get a jump on Blame Somebody Else Day, April 13).
My calendar has gotten crowded thanks
to Bizarre American Holidays (library.thinkquest.org/2886/index.htm), a website
created by a couple of high school students at Oracle’s ThinkQuest Library. But
there are actually a number of online locations that break down the odder
observances, such as Holiday Insights
(holidayinsights.com/moreholidays/index.htm), which also provides helpful
directions that might allow you to get a “Day” of your own.
On August 8 you can combat squash
proliferation by celebrating Sneak Some Zucchini Onto
Your Neighbor’s Porch Day. January 22 may be Answer Your Cat’s Question Day,
but you really should be doing that the other 364 days of the year as well.
Some of the holidays listed are puzzling (try to have a deerstalker cap handy
on December 8, Take It In The Ear Day) and some are
just plain dangerous (please give careful consideration to participating in Use
Even If Seal Is Broken Day on November 24).
I was unable to trace the evolution
of the majority of these holidays, but I can tell you that when September 2
rolls around, I will need to find a way to observe both the anniversary of my
birth and National Beheading Day. So listen up: if my birthdays aren’t
wall-to-wall bliss henceforth, heads will roll. Yeah, I’ve made the threat
before, but I’ve got the internet on my side now.
— Dayna Papaleo
Law and monsters
Ever since the halcyon days of the obese Hogg sisters (Ima
and Ura), popular culture has had an affinity for good
names. Yet, a certain je ne sais quois can only come from a moniker that
meshes onomatopoeia with a word combination that feels as though it ought to
mean something. Ergo: Batton Lash. And yet, you ask, who is this Batton Lash?
For almost three decades, Lash has
been creating cartoons about inadequate monsters and the lawyers who defend
them. His strip, Wolff & Byrd,
Counselors of the Macabre, began in The
Brooklyn Paper in 1979. The attorneys in your family may well remember the
adventures of Alanna Wolff and Jeff Byrd from the pages of The National Law Journal (1983-97). In the early ’90s, Wolff and
Byrd began appearing in their own comic book, Supernatural Law, on a sporadic semi-annual basis.
Lash writes and draws his tales of
vampires and other foul creatures under legal duress. Then an attorney friend
checks the stories to ensure validity, which adds enough legalese to satisfy
the most ardent fan of Scott Turow. The glee that Lash brings to his twisted
little world puts the spark in his stories, while his artwork follows the fine
line required of mystic realism.
Lash also contributes to the output
of Bongo Comics, home of the Simpsons posse. Lastly, one of the more bizarre
footnotes on any resume has to belong to Lash for writing Archie Meets The Punisher in 1994,
provoking the dire déjà vu of Jimi Hendrix opening for The Monkees.
— Craig Brownlie
This article appears in Mar 29 – Apr 4, 2006.
