Voicemail: the final frontier
Despite being both a dreadful actor and a lousy singer,
William Shatner has been able to sustain a long and
award-winning career in the performing arts. On the surface, this phenomenon
seems puzzling, even terrifying; perhaps somewhere lies a canceled check made
out to Shatner and with a signature reading “T.
Devil.” But the reality is actually quite simple: by embracing his utter
mediocrity — basically by being in on the joke — the 75-year-old Shatner continues to keep himself in our collective campy
consciousness. His next project? Your answering
machine!
Visit the website of the William Shatner
DVD Club (don’t ask me — I can’t even think about all the pies this guy’s
probably got his hands in) at www.shatnerdvdclub.com, and you’ll spy a link for
a contest in which the victor wins an outgoing message recorded by Captain Kirk
himself, “the most famous voice in sci-fi.” (Up yours, Rod Serling!) Naturally, there is a laundry list of
rules, including a stipulation that he can make changes to your desired message
if he finds the content in any way questionable (hint: avoid any cracks about
that horrid rug). And if for some reason Shatner has
a mouthful of scenery and is unable to record your message, you’ll get $1,000
to help ease your crushing disappointment.
Oh, you’re not a Star
Trek fan? That’s OK. Even those who enjoy Boston Legal, fondly remember TJ
Hooker, or have been itching to stick it to Leonard Nimoy
should remember that you only have until July 31 at midnight to enter the
contest. It’s open to all residents of the United
States, or as The Simpsons once brilliantly put it, us “Shatner-stealing Mexicotouchers.”
This article appears in Jul 26 – Aug 1, 2006.
