It’s a plunder-ful life
That jumble of dreadlocks. Those kohl-smudged eyelids.That swishy
sway. For three long years I’ve had my big blues fixed on the horizon,
anxiously awaiting the return of Captain Jack Sparrow. Alternately hedonistic
and heroic, both intoxicating and intoxicated, Captain Jack emerged from 2003’s
Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the
Black Pearl as the least likely summer movie hero of the past… um, since
the… well, ever, snagging Johnny Depp his first Oscar
nomination and Disney nearly a zillion dollars. Then producer Jerry Bruckheimer
called it a day, having decided sequels are stupid. The end.
Hey, you know who else takes great pleasure in lying?
Pirates!
The short answer is that Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead
Man’s Chest is up to snuff. The irreplaceable Depp
reprises what will undoubtedly become his signature role, and as Dead Man’s Chest opens Captain Jack is
shooting his way out of a floating casket, while Will (the dependably
lackluster Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth (necessary evil KeiraKnightley) have been arrested for aiding and abetting
Captain Jack during the incidents memorialized in Black Pearl. Our story is set into
motion when Will is forced to locate Captain Jack and fork him over to an
unctuous superior (Tom Hollander, equally oily in Pride & Prejudice) in order to spare fiancée Elizabeth the gallows.
But Captain Jack has more troubling issues; even his loyal
crew notices him “acting a bit strange…er.” A chance
encounter with Will’s undead dad Bootstrap Bill Turner (Lars von Trier regular StellanSkarsgård) clues Captain
Jack in to the fact that Davy Jones is on the hunt for him, looking to collect
on an old debt. As played by an unrecognizable Bill Nighy
(he walked off with Love, Actually),
Davy Jones cuts a fearsome swath, sporting a pegleg,
a juicy beard of tentacles, and massive crustacean claws where his hands should
be. He commands The Flying Dutchman,
a ship populated by doomed half-man/half-creature sailors whose names I didn’t
catch, but we will call Hammerhead Head, Lobster Guy, Fish Guts, and Conch
Face.
Dead Man’s Chest hinges on a race to find the titular vessel, which contains the still-thumping
heart of Davy Jones, who reportedly secreted the organ away after its
mishandling by a woman. Captain Jack is aided in this mission by trusty
sidekick Gibbs (Kevin R. McNally, whose reaction shots to his boss are
priceless) and a purring voodoo priestess (Naomie
Harris, Tubbs’ girlfriend in the forthcoming Miami Vice), as well as Elizabeth, initially intent on rescuing
Will from Davy Jones’ clutches but fighting a growing attraction to the
alluring, albeit wobbly, Captain Jack.
Truthfully, the needlessly elaborate plot is probably just
an excuse to stage some splendid set pieces, including a Caribbean
standoff that culminates in some swashbuckling atop a runaway water wheel. But
it’s obvious that every single doubloon spent on Dead Man’s Chest made it to the screen. The special effects are
astounding, especially where The Flying
Dutchman is concerned. Its monstrous crew — they are a seamless blend of
makeup and CGI — man what is essentially a rickety ship with submarine
capabilities; The Flying Dutchman roars out from depths it shares with the Kracken, a
colossal undersea creature that decimates the enemies of Davy Jones at his
bidding. Also worth mentioning are stunning tropical cinematography by Darius Wolski and Hans Zimmer’s bombastic score, which showcases
some catchy sea shanties.
Depp has Captain Jack honed to
shrewd perfection and seems even more gifted when sharing the screen with Bloom
and Knightley — they’re not bad, but they’re not
much more than dull plot devices who serve to facilitate the rollicking
adventures of their woozy pirate pal. The standout this time around is Nighy, calling upon a thick brogue and making a cartoony fiend truly terrifying. Wondering if it’s too
scary for your kids? Younger than 8 or 9 may be a little frightened, but anyone
who understands that it’s all just make-believe (as well as those who dig a
good rolling eyeball) will be fine.
So now I’m headed back to my widow’s watch to bide my time
until Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End is released next summer. They’ve
confirmed a cameo by Rolling Stone Keith Richards as Captain Jack’s father, and
Chow Yun-Fat’s on board as well, ending a four-year
absence from the American multiplex. Dead
Man’s Chest is overstuffed by about half an hour, but the ending, complete
with a surprise appearance followed by the credits ruthlessly slamming onto the
screen, made me wish it were 2007 already.
Pirates
of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (PG-13),
directed by Gore Verbinski, opens Friday, July 7,
wherever there’s electricity.
This article appears in Jul 5-11, 2006.
