You know what drives me nuts? Honkys. I don’t think I’m
coming down too heavy on my pale brethren when they sell themselves short.
Allow me to explain.

Last Thursday Vince Neil (sans the Crüe) played the Water Street Music Hall to a
tragically small crowd. The band sounded great and seemed stoked to be playing
Motley Crüe tunes with Neil. The man has the pipes but kind of resembles an
aging, overweight drag queen.

What pissed me off were all the honkys, racked with guilty pleasure, who apologized for being seen there, as if
admitting you like ’80s excess metal is suddenly shameful. I can dig it
shamelessly and so can you. Honkys.

            Which of
the following statements is true?

            • Britney
Spears is pregnant with my two-headed love child.

            • OJ didn’t
do it.

            • The
Quitters were recently on MTV.

            If you
picked three (ding, ding, ding) you’d
be right. The Quitters’ “Something Good” was featured on last week’s episode of
Sorority Life. That’s right: rock ’n’
roll on empty-V, a sure sign of the apocalypse. Wait ’til all the little
brace-faced honkys start bugging Carson to play The Quitters on TRL.

            Saw
Olympia, Washington’s Bangs rock out all poppy and catchy-like at the Bug Jar.
The band was a well-oiled rock machine despite the bassist giving the new
drummer the stink-eye at every minor infraction; c’mon, it’s not like anyone
noticed. A pretty, rather statuesque blonde in a cast (a drinking
while-in-high-heels accident) bit me after the show. I wish this would happen
more often.

            Left last
Friday for downstate while the Blue Angels buzzed the skyline. It sounded like
Beirut. When I was a kid, blue angels were what you got when you lit farts.
Stayed in a cottage in Copake (i.e. the middle of nowhere with spiders the size
of terriers). You could almost hear banjos in the pine-scented mist. I was one
scared honky.

            Hippie
champs The Samples seem to be a great band to ignore. The throng that braved
the Thursday Party In The Park drizzle seemed more intent on guzzling beer and
playing hacky-sack. See, more honkys.

            Seeing
Jucifer is like getting a pep talk from Lucifer; you walk away feeling
motivated and capable of doing anything… bad. Take a Sabbath 45 and play it at
33 and you’ve got this Athens, Georgia, duo’s groove-dirge. El Destructo (one
of the main reasons “I Scene It” got started) gloriously opened the show. Rock
stars, superheroes, scarlet women, and honkys, ya’ll just better stand aside;
there’s a new sheriff in town.

— Frank De Blase

This article appears in Jun 26 – Jul 2, 2002.