Alarmist
TV news anchors constantly sucker me into watching newscasts with their
ridiculous, five-second primetime teasers: “Can pineapples kill cancer? Watch at
11.” But they work, so I figured I’d use the technique too.
Sports
have pandered to television since the ’50s. TV has made every major pro sport
and the NCAA unbelievably wealthy. Prior to that, nationally syndicated sports
writers such as Grantland Rice, Red Smith, and Jimmy Cannon helped promote
interest in athletics and build this country’s sports infrastructure, but no
one cares to remember that now.
Only
television matters. Its lucrative broadcast contracts buy the national and
local TV networks exclusive access to teams and players. Forgotten print
journalists just sit on the sidelines as if their forefathers’ efforts amounted
to nothing.
The
other day, I mentioned this to Tim Kehoe, the Bills’ director of merchandise. I
wondered why NFL teams seem to limit media access to their top people, and he
admitted that, in most cases, they deliver access exclusively to the media that
have paid for access. Sports will always pander to television’s deep pockets.
So
when TV ratings are down, despite the cooperation between the leagues and
paying network partners, despite the sexy sideline vixens asking coaches and
players to “talk about stuff” before halftime, my question is, are sports
dying?
The Major
League Baseball All-Star Game on July 12 drew its lowest ratings since
Nielsen Media Research began most accurately tracking the data in 1983. Last
month’s NBA Final between Detroit and San Antonio drew its
lowest ratings since 1987. The All-Star Game featured 22 first-timers few
people could recognize because they weren’t Bonds or Sosa. The NBA Final was a
defensive struggle, and no one ever pays attention to anyone playing defense.
So general sports fans tune out.
The
reality is that if a nationally televised sports competition doesn’t involve
the best-known stars or teams, most people would rather not watch. A final
round without Tiger, a World Series without the Yankees or Red Sox, a Super
Bowl featuring two surprising clubs such as the Ravens and Giants in ’01 means
ratings will sag like Eastman Kodak.
This
is a major problem that needs correcting. Four years ago, the XFL attempted to
increase interest in its no-name product by having a cameraman go inside the
cheerleaders’ locker room. But Vince McMahon’s televised pep talk to the
cameraman backfired. The poor guy got so excited by all the treasures McMahon
suggested were inside that he ran right into the locker-room door and passed
out.
No
sports league has attempted this feat ever again, obviously fearing for the
lives of network cameramen.
Still,
I dream of what could have been.
When
television shows totally tank, they get canceled in midseason. But the
networks can’t do that with sports competitions. So in keeping with the
tradition of sports pandering to television’s needs, I suggest the leagues
allow the American public to exclusively hold the power to vote on matchups,
players, coaches, uniforms, venues, etc. It’ll be better than American Idol and it will ensure that
the people always get what they want.
This
idea is way better than Survivor.
With today’s telecom and Internet technology, sports leagues can assess the
will of the people even faster than it took Tim Redding to flame out with the
Yankees. Let’s face it, Americans are a busy lot. They’re not going to wait
around for the sports leagues to get with the democratic process.
And
if you’re wondering about pineapples, some Australian researchers say they can
kill cancer. Now you don’t have to watch at 11, and I have to get some
pineapples.
This article appears in Jul 27 – Aug 2, 2005.
