How Simon created God

God did not exist, so Simon decided to create him. Basing
it on the earlier model, his first design was erected purely out of ideas. The
A Model was an omniscient multi-tasker. However, Simon’s inability to
comprehend the motives of its parallel processing skills stalled the project at
the design phase. Dismayed but not deterred, A was scrapped. Work continued. On
a liquid clear autumn day, while Simon was raking leaves in his front yard, it
hit him. Ideas, though suitably malleable, will never suffice. The new God must
also be tangible. Spontaneous by nature, Simon began gathering leaves, twigs
from the Ash tree, a molding base of thick mud: natural and tangible, that was
the game. This prototype was successful but ultimately decayed too fast to gain
the following necessary to launch it as a deity. Failure number two. The grant
money dried up. Simon became depressed; indulged in a long repressed shoe
fetish. He smoked White Owls and drank soda. Cried incessantly into yellow
tissues. His wife, a good-hearted person, suggested a female-based model. Simon
snorted. His 9-year-old daughter, a scrappy doll, suggested a video game. Simon
moved out. He took a room at the Super 8, morosely carrying on his research.
Strangely enough it was autumn again that finally inspired Simon to create
Model C. Not the land necessarily, but the colors. The green grass. Red
berries. Black squirrels. Retreat of chlorophyll. Slate sky. The fiery genesis
of it all right there before him…