If
you’re like me, you hear anything with sleigh bells prior to Christmas Eve and
cringe. And jumping the gun before the pumpkins are done rotting isn’t my only
peeve. It’s the same goddamn music
over and over and over.

Not
so long ago I used to dig Nat King Cole’s “Christmas Song,” Bobby Helms’
“Jingle Bell Rock” and so on. But just like commercial rock radio ruined
“Stairway To Heaven,” everything commercial has wrecked Christmas music —
including the musicians. If I hear “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” one
more time I’m gonna go on a spree. Ho ho ho.

But
just in time this year comes a few new select Christmas records to perhaps pump
some life into the true meaning of the holiday: Santa’s birthday.

If you’ve only got
the bread for one disc this season it’s gotta be Blues, Blues Christmas (Document Records) a brilliant compilation of rare Christmas-tinged blues
rarities from 1925 to 1955 like Bessie Smith’s “At the Christmas Ball,” Leroy
Carr’s “Christmas In Jail,” and Big Joe Turner’s “Christmas Date Boogie.” This
two-disc import was compiled by Rochester blues historian Jeff Harris (who
wrote the extensive liner notes as well), co-host of “Bad Dog Blues” on WITR.
This is a must-have for those who prefer their Christmas’s blue instead of
white.

And
in keeping with the vintage compilation feel, trash auteur John Waters has put
together (with a big smirk on his mug) A John Waters Christmas(New Line Records)full of no-hit wonders and slop ‘n’ sleaze weirdness like Rudolph
& Gang’s “Here Comes Fatty Clause,” Tiny Tim’s “Rudolph the Red Nose
Reindeer,” and Akim’s “Santa Clause Is a Black Man.” Put this one on when you
have the folks over.

The
Reverend Horton Heat puts his psychobilly cattle brand on We Three Kings, (Yep Roc Records)a revved-up collection of holiday classics and one Horton
original. Perfect for big guitar fans and those who wanna hear the classics
with a little octane in ’em.

And
the hipster king of retro bang ‘n’ twang Brian Setzer, along with his
orchestra, pulls Christmas album numero dos outta the sack with Dig
That Crazy Christmas(Surfdog
Records). The brassy muscle of the
orchestra is rivaled only by Setzer’s big, big guitar. Setzer croons and snarls
his way through some smokin’ originals, various standards (“Jingle Bell Rock,”
“Angels We Have Heard on High” complete with Latin chorale), off beat tunes
(“You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”), and way-cool hybrids (“Gettin’ In The Mood
for Christmas” where he chops and lowers the Glenn Miller classic for the
season).

Philadelphia
roots-rock bar band Marah’s A Christmas Kind of Town (Yep Roc
Records) plays out as if on an old radio show on XMAS. Christmas standards are
mixed beautifully with the band’s urban honky tonk. From the time you drop the
needle ’til it crashes into the label, A
Christmas Kind Of Town sounds like a party.

And
let’s not forget the ladies. Jane Monheit and Diana Krall both have new
Christmas platters to pass.

Krall’s
Christmas
Songs(Verve)has her sounding the most animated I’ve
ever heard her. Often I haven’t been able to tell if she’s just being really
cool or is really bored. This time out she bops and swings and I swear you can
hear her smiling as The Clayton/Hamilton Jazz Orchestra swings beneath her.

Equally
stunning but a little more jazzy in her approach is Jane Monheit and her new The
Season(Sony). Monheit chooses tunes less traveled
like “The Man With The Bag” — which positively jumps — and more comfortable
cuts like “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.”

You
know what? I think I’m gonna do just that.

This article appears in Nov 16-22, 2005.