“American Idol” 2013: Top 10 Results

The first results show of the main competition was actually
surprisingly interesting. The format has been tweaked significantly, meaning
that there’s more actual content in the result reveals. It just felt like more
was going on throughout the whole show. Plus, Nikki Minaj
actually bothered to show up on time.

In the recap of Wednesday night’s performances, mentor Jimmy
Iovine agreed that the girls on the whole way outsang the boys. No question there. He did have some very
different takes on a few of the performances, though. Jimmy really liked
Janelle Wednesday, and I thought she was pretty dreadful vocally. He thought
that Angie was overpraised by the judges, but still
good. He thinks that Paul needs to drop the pop-country thing, because he’s not
believable as country in any way. Jimmy also loved Amber, saying that she has
charisma/star power to spare. I just don’t get that. I realize I’m the outlier
here, but I don’t see what all the fuss is about Amber. She is a decent singer
but has very little personality to me. Still, I’m willing to be sold.

Ryan explained that the results are going to be done with “a
little more detail” this year, with the Top 3 all being identified — but not
the exact order — and Ryan also gave us some minor geographic breakdowns. So,
for instance, Devin was No. 1 in Puerto Rico. That’s not at all surprising. Basically
all the contestants he talked to were No. 1 in their home states.

He first called up Devin, Janelle, and Candice, and revealed
that Candice was in the Top 3. She was the best of Wednesday night to me, so no
complaints there.

After commercials we had our first group song, which was
basically a commercial for that terrible-looking new “Croods”
movie. So I guess we won’t be getting Ford commercials now? I’m conflicted
about that. We also learned that Curtis and Amber are dreadful lip synchers. Do not go on “RuPaul’s
Drag Race,” you two. You WILL be told to sashay away.

Then weirdly, the mayor of the town where Kree grew up came out to give her the key to the city of
Woodville, Texas. What the what is this?
Interestingly, Kree was also named to the Top 3,
which thrills me. I think she’s great but I worried that she might have gotten
lost last night considering that several other girls had much more
attention-grabbing songs.

Following that odd segue, Bon Jovi
came out. We’ve hit that point where Jon Bon Jovi has
started to look old, and that makes me feel terribly sad. The band still sounds
good, even though the vibe was dramatically different from what we’ve come to
expect from it. Much more laid back. And what is going on with Richie Sambora’s hair?

And then…god, and then. Remember
last week, Ryan threatened us with the fact that the runner-up guy and
runner-up girl who just missed out on the Top 10 would be competing for a final
slot on the “Idol” tour this summer? Well the first person competing was
fucking Charlie Askew, who I had just started to believe that we’d never see
again after he was blessedly eliminated last week. Here’s the thing, though: he
sang an original song called “Sky Blue Diamond,” which he performed while
playing the piano — and I actually didn’t hate it. The pitch was a bit quavery in parts, but the melody was quite pretty. Most
important, Charlie wasn’t doing his drama-queen theatric bullshit that drove me
absolutely nuts the last few weeks he was on the show. All in all, I thought it
was interesting, and stunningly mature given his usual penchant for juvenile attention-baiting.

The girl competing against Charlie was Aubrey Cleland, who
did “On My Own.” It was beautifully sung, but that’s an awfully sleepy song to
pick for a win/lose voting situation. I suspect that
Charlie will win that one. I guess that’s fitting, since he made much more of
an impact on the competition than Aubrey ever did.

Then last year’s winner, Phillip Phillips, came out to sing
his new single, “Gone, Gone, Gone.” It’s a jangly country-tinged rock song. Not
nearly as catchy as “Home” — a huge hit that Phillip did NOT want to release —
but it’s a totally solid song, and I think “Idol” might have its first
legitimately successful winner in years. He’s gone quadruple platinum with
“Home.” Thanks, Olympics!

Angie and Lazaro were called up
next. Both sang Kelly Clarkson last night, and it was Angie who also made the
Top 3 with Kree and Candice. I find it so interesting
that Amber did not make it, given that she got the Pimp Slot and a heavy, heavy
push from the judges.

So after we found out the Top 3, we got the rest of the
results in actual order. The show may have a real problem on its hands in a few
weeks, because Lazaro — who is easily the weakest
singer in this competition — came in fourth place. FOURTH. He should have been
fighting for survival, and he was in FOURTH PLACE. Wow. In fifth was Amber,
which is still lower than I think many people expected her to be. Coming in
sixth was Janelle, which was bullshit. Janelle is also dramatically weaker than
just about anyone who placed below her, and should have been toward the bottom
of those rankings.

I was surprised, but pleased, to see Burnell
come in 7th. I think he’s got a great voice, but I worry that he’s not grabbing
votes. I’ll be curious to see what he does next week in terms of song
selection. Paul came in 8th, and I have to assume that is largely due to the
country vote, and partially because he’s really cute.

That left elimination coming down to Devin
and Curtis.Both very good singers. Devin had a
really sleepy performance on Wednesday, and Curtis had a potent cocktail of
disaster. Death Slot + boring r’n’b song + lousy
personality + mediocre performance = a swift ticket home. And it was indeed
Curtis who found himself singing for The Save, which I’m sure infuriated him,
because Curtis clearly thinks he should be WINNING this thing, not going home
first.

You know who else thinks Curtis is great? Nikki Minaj, who literally got up and threatened to walk off
stage if he was eliminated. As Curtis sang “I Believe I Can Fly” they camera panned
to the judges’ table multiple times as they deliberated. Nikki was FURIOUS and
clearly over the whole situation as Keith Urban tried to convince her of
something. I assume it’s the fact that using The Save on the person coming in
10th would be spectacularly stupid. Curtis never had a shot to win this thing if
he was that low in the rankings already.

Truly, it was nowhere near Curtis’s best performance. I do
think he peaked too soon in Hollywood/Sudden Death, and he hasn’t been as good
since. The judges had to be unanimous in their vote, and they were not. Nikki
was clearly really angry that she didn’t get her way here, saying that she
didn’t feel like the judges had the time to properly consider the situation.
Again, Nikki: using the Save on the person coming in 10th is an awful idea.
America obviously is not interested in Curtis in that way. Nobody is saying
isn’t he talented, but he was not going to win this competition.

This article appears in Mar 13-19, 2013.