“RuPaul’s Drag Race” Season 5, Episode 2: Paying lip service

So I missed the first 10 minutes of the episode because the
bar I watch it at decided to blare the local Top 40 radio station and run muted
episodes of “2 Broke Girls” on the TVs until the bartender got around to
changing the channel. If anyone would like subsidize
my personal cable bill, do let me know.

Anyway. By the time I tuned in the teams had already been
selected for the week’s elimination challenge. The queens were split into three
groups and tasked with reenacting — and lipsynching —
infamous moments from seasons 2-4 of “Untucked.”
Here’s how the teams shook out:

Ivy Winters led LineyshaSparkx, Vivienne Pinay, and Honey
Mahogany in reenacting moments from Season 2 featuring Morgan McMichaels, Mystique Summers Madison, Tyra
Sanchez, and Tatianna.

Detox captained Alaska, Monica
Beverly Hillz, and Coco Montrose in S4 battles
between Phi Phi O’Hara, Sharon Needles, Jiggly Caliente, and Lashauwn
Beyond.

Serena ChaCha had the reins over
Alyssa Edwards, Roxxxy Andrews, Jinkx
Monsoon, and Jade Jolie in S3 moments with Raja, Shangela,
Mariah, Mimi Imfurst, and Delta Work.

I’m of two minds on this challenge. It was fun to see great
moments from the past again, but since the queens had to lipsynch
to the actual dialogue tracks of the original contestants there wasn’t much
room for improvisation. Some of them included some funny bits, like Detox and Alasks making out as
Sharon/Phi Phi, or Alyssa and Jinkx working in Mimi’s
infamous full-contact drag moments into their spat. But instead of interpreting
the scenes as melodrama, and cutting the ladies loose, the lipsynching
really limited them. And frankly most of them weren’t very good at it. (This
bodes poorly for Lipsynchs for Your Life this
season.)

I honestly have no idea what the assignment was for the
runway, but since the queens weren’t making gowns out of garbage the looks and
face stepped up tremendously this week. Guest judges Kristen Johnston and
Juliette Lewis (JULIETTE LEWIS!) came across as huge fans of the show who were super excited to be there, and invested in the
proceedings. It was a memorable judging panel, that’s for sure.

Ivy Winters’ team was declared the winner, which I did not
understand at all. Ivy and Honey basically bombed their section — neither was
particularly on point or memorable, and they didn’t look a thing like their
original inspirations. (Hilariously, on Twitter Mystique called out Penny Tration for painting her fake Mystique face so dark — Penny
got eliminated last week, and is white, while Honey is, you know, black. Never
change, Mystique! Are those Mexican cartels giving your mom trouble again?)
Only individual challenge winner Lineysha really
shined as Tyra, although her success had more to do
with Tyra’s easily mocked attitude and mannerisms
than an on-point lipsynch (although it must be said,
both queens are stunningly beautiful). The forth part of that quartet, Vivienne
Pinay, failed to make any kind of impression for the
second week in a row. Not good.

Just about every other queen came alive this week, though. Jinkx is starting to emerge as the sweet screwball I hoped
she would be (Pandora Boxx should be afraid, very
afraid…). Coco delivered a sickening lipsynch in the
challenge and was on fire in “Untucked.” Ivy came out
on effing stilts in a giant butterfly cape, but I
still wish she would amp up the personality to match the aesthetic. Detox looked absolutely stunning on the runway. That is a
queen who knows how to paint a face.

The darling of the night, however, was poor Monica Beverly Hillz. I was unimpressed with Monica last week. She was
memorable almost exclusively for being a crying mess for seemingly no reason in
“Untucked.” This week we found out her deal: Monica
is actually a transgender woman and was struggling with hiding her secret from
the judges and contestants. This raises some interesting questions. This show
has featured several contestants who have gone on to live as women — Carmen Carrera, Sonique, and Victoria Porkchop Parker all identify as transgender, I believe. I
have read debates online as to whether a trans woman would have an unfair
advantage in this competition, since hormones or surgery would obviously aid
them in their transformation from male to female.

But we don’t know where Monica is with her change in gender.
And you could make a compelling argument that MANY of these queens — especially
this season — have had plastic surgery done to their faces to enhance their
feminine features. So what’s the difference? Should any kind of surgery be
outlawed? Are hormones the dealbreaker? If not, could
biological women apply? Would it be discriminatory to ban transgendered people
or women from competing? Truly, it’s an interesting debate, and I can’t think
of another show where this would even be a topic of discussion.

After her admission, Monica found herself in the Bottom 2 (totally
justifiable based on her lackluster challenge performance) along with last
week’s cellar dweller, Serena ChaCha, who is just
plainly awful. They lipsynched to “Only Girl in the
World” by Rihanna, and Monica had this without any
problem. Serena seemed desperate, while Monica was confident. I hope that’s a
sign of things to come from her, because as the first person to be openly trans
while serving as a contestant on the show, she’s breaking new ground here.

Serena was, blessedly, given the axe, but not before insulting
pretty much everyone backstage, and at home in the viewing audience. In “Untucked” we saw her once again insinuate that everyone
else is an idiot because they don’t have her art-school education, refer to
people as “ghetto” (this sparked a particularly ugly exchange with Coco, and
then Detox), and generally act as though at 21 she
knows it all, and that everyone else is an old, dumb, talentless skeeze who needs to get out of her way. Her few moments of
self-awareness came way too late, as she admitted that she was intimidated by
these queens and knew they would never take her seriously. That’s not because
you’re young, dear. That’s because you’re an asshole. Her parting words to the
contestants: “Read a book.” I think she was confused about what RuPaul was looking for on this show. Ru
wants upper-case C.U.N.T., not lowercase. Serena has plenty to spare of the
latter.

A couple random thoughts on the other S5 queens:

-I really don’t like Alyssa. I’m sorry. I don’t believe
anything she says — her supposed feud with Coco seems to have disappeared
already — and the way she opens and closes her mouth on the runway makes me
want to get out a fishing rod and bait. It’s not cute unless you’re Chilean sea
bass, dear.

-I was glad that Honey Mahogany called out Jade in the
lounge for being a serious shit-stirrer, because I keep seeing everyone refer
to Jade as this sweet young thing. Jade is obviously a vicious little queen.
That’s fine, but I’m glad to see that at least one other competitor has her
number.

-I know we’re all supposed to be rooting for her, but two
episodes in I am really not feeling Alaska. It’s so
unfortunate, because you can tell how much she wants this. She seems sweet and like
a perfectly fine queen — there’s clearly some wit there — but there’s a real
lack of star quality thus far.

This article appears in Jan 30 – Feb 5, 2013.