“The X Factor” Season 2: Boot Camp, Round 1

We’re done with the initial auditions, and on
to Boot Camp! Having not watched Season 1, I had no idea what that entailed,
but I assumed it was similar to Hollywood Week on “Idol.” That’s basically
true.

After fakey-fake
“candid” videos featuring several contestants, most of whom were spotlighted in
the original audition episodes, we ended up in Miami,
Florida. From the 120 acts brought back from original auditions, 24 would be
left standing in the course of a week. That is a much more aggressive culling
process than I’m used to on these shows.

Since the show still does not have hosts (Mario
Lopez and KhloeKardashian
will presumably start with the live shows), the judges led us through the
process in talking heads. (BTW: Am I crazy, or did Simon look like he’s been to
the “dentist” in his THs? His lips are not moving naturally anymore.) The
contestants were put through a “series of challenges,” the first of which was
singing a song of their choice in front of the other contestants, so that they
could all size up the competition.

First up was Diamond White, a bubbly 13-year-old who picked “I Have Nothing” by
Whitney Houston. Diamond needs to tone down the parroted moves and stop oversinging. She also had some pitch issues. But for a kid
who is barely a teen she did a surprisingly mature performance that got better
as it went along.

Austin Corini, 16, still has that awful bleach-blonde hair
from his initial auditions and still seems fixated on dull mid-tempo songs –
this time he went with “To Make You Feel My Love.” He’s got all the ingredients
to be a successful teen-pop star, but I don’t think he has the connection with
an audience to make those kinds of songs work for him. The judges seemed
slightly divided – they liked him, but not the song.

Quick flashes of other contestants: David Correy,
26, came out and ratcheted up the energy with his version of Duffy’s “Mercy,”
which is not a great vocal song, but he added a nice run. Dinah Jane Hansen, 15, did a phenomenal job on Mariah Carey’s
“Hero.” Lyric Da Queen, 23, rapped
while simultaneously dancing on the grave of Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez. Jason Brock, 35, who I just
automatically think of as Fat Lambert, killed it. Carly Rose Sonenclar, 13, did a very
solid version of Bruno Mars’s “Runaway Baby,” although Simon seemed to think
she’s too mature for her age. I was just glad to find out that she’s not a
one-trick pony, and I hope she can keep it up. She’s one of my favorite at this
point.

Jessica
Espinosa must have been from an audition episode I missed, or they never
showed her, but the judges seemed to remember her. I have absolutely no idea
what song she was singing, but I hated it. I thought she really struggled
through her number, but she has an interesting voice. The rasp didn’t sound
comfortable, if that makes sense. Her voice sounded constricted.

Janell Garcia was
the girl who gave us some Benatar realness the first
time out. This time she was similarly meek and nervous before going on stage,
but she again came out and transformed into a bluesy sexy bomb as soon as she
got the mic. You can tell that this is almost a
persona for her – she just lets go completely when she sings. It’s like a
singing version of The Hulk or Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I love this girl, and
she really knows how to perform.

Vino
Allen, 40, is like a grizzled, tattoo-covered version of Channing Tatum,
and I would totally hit it. He’s got a great voice for recording, and I’m very
interested to see more of him. (On a side note, Vino and almost every single
other contestant spotlighted last night is desperately in need of a makeover. DESPERATELY. I think he was wearing manpris.)

Johnny
Maxwell, 16, seemed to be rapping to “I’ll Be Missing You” by Puff Daddy,
but Britney caught early on that he forgot his lyrics. And it got worse and
worse as it went along.

Jordyn Foley, 12,
the kid who sang “The Sun Will Come Out” from “Annie” last week and had
absolutely NO business moving on, caterwauled a song I didn’t even recognize.
Some poor guy named Manny Acosta butchered “I Give My All.” That obnoxious Trevor
Moran, 13, did his typical foolery to Nicki Minaj’s
“Starships” — a car-sing-along-caliber vocal with manic dancing — and L.A. Reid
actually had the audacity to say, “It just wasn’t there today.” The kid did
exactly what he did in his first audition and you put him through. He’s a joke,
and you put him on national TV acting like he has real talent. You’re the one
who looks like an idiot here.

Nick Perrelli, 16, the crooner kid, completely crumbled
under the pressure on “Feeling Good.” Jake
Garza, a 12-year-old, similarly fell apart (IRONY ALERT!) while singing
“Total Eclipse of the Heart.” He had a total breakdown of the
everything backstage, and I’d like to point out that many of the biggest
implosions were very young teenagers, whose pain was just exploited on national
TV. That kid is going to go to middle school and be teased mercilessly for
breaking down into heaving sobs, asking for his mom. That’s not fair to anyone.
Britney Spears was alarmed — and I think legitimately sympathized — with the
very real emotional damage being done here. Given her background that makes
sense.

The groups — traditionally the damned on this
show — included generically good/cute boy bands L3vel, Citizen, Jetset, and then Emblem
3, which thus far has talked mad smack about pretty much everyone, continually
alluding to their “artistry” and “musicianship.” They choked on their version
of “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls, and frankly, I loved
watching it. When you act like this huge rock star and you get outclassed, you
deserve it. The group did get the song back on track when another singer took
over, but that was a very rough round for them. The judges still seemed to like
it. I find them cocky and offputting, even if they
did do an interesting arrangement of an unexpected song.

Tara
Simon, the fantastically irritating vocal coach, came out and totally oversung “Somebody To Love.” Can
she sing? Yes. But she’s so ridiculous that I hate her. Except I then come around to finding her hilarious to mock. So I
guess I want her to move on? Tara Simon, you are destroying my worldview!

Willie
Jones, 17, is serving up Kid ‘n’ Play realness, but he sings country. That
was unexpected! He did “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy,” and it started out OK,
but then got really hokey really fast. He’s got a great lower range but his
upper range needs work.

Paige
Thomas, the Rihannabe, did “I Will Always Love
You” by Whitney. Her voice has too much vibrato, but when she really puts some
gas into it, she’s decent. I still think her look and style is what’s really
going to carry her in this competition, because the vocal was not as strong as
it should be. I had the exact same take on her first audition, which the judges
loved.

Cece Frey, 21, is
the girl with the ill-considered leopard-print tattoo on her forehead, also did
“Always Love You.” I thought Cece’s version was stronger,
although she has to tone down the cabaret mannerisms and finish out her lines
better.

The judges deliberated over their cuts. I found
that Britney was quite opinionated, and voiced her concerns well. She was also
clearly invested in the proceedings, which was fun to see. Demi Lovato was a basically a nonentity this episode.

At the end of the episode, we got three groups.
Two went through, one was axed. Among those cut were Trevor, Jordyn, Jessica, the San Francisco transsexual bride (boo),
Jake, and a bunch of people we didn’t know.

Tomorrow night: Boot Camp continues with
sing-offs, and Britney has a break down because she hates seeing children cry.
Leave Britney alone!

This article appears in Oct 3-9, 2012.