“True Blood” Season 7, Episode 7: “This May Be the Last Time”

This fairly low-key episode was notable primarily for the
next few stops on the Long-Gone Character Cameo Train. This time around we got
more Hoyt, psychic torment courtesy of Steve Newlin (and a cameo by the
decapitated former governor of Louisiana), fairy granddad Niall, and best of
all, the long-forgotten Dr. Ludwig, who I don’t think we’ve seen since Season
2. Between then and now Dr. Ludwig has divested even more of her shits, and now
she has absolutely none to give you. Onward!

The major tension from the episode came from three arcs:
Eric and Pam tracking Sarah Newlin, Vampire Bill
staving off death, and Violet toying with kidnapped sex idiots Adilyn and Wade. We’ll cover the last one first, since it’s
the least important. Violet did not kill the teen lovebirds right away, instead
taking them to a palatial mansion that she apparently owns — the creepy
portrait on the wall suggested as much. This house, which I’m guessing is not
in Bon Temps, was dripped in finery and came complete with a well-stocked sex
dungeon. (Sidebar: If Violet had this kickass pad somewhere nearby, why was she
willingly living in Jason Stackhouse’s den of iniquity? If you are regularly
screwing Jason Stackhouse and you have access to a tricked-out bone palace, you
take Jason Stackhouse to the sex dungeon! This is common sense! As a viewer, I
feel robbed of the opportunity to see Jason investigating that toy chest.
Violet is truly the worst.) Anyway, at first Violet was a consummate host.
After Adilyn and Wade realized that neither one of
them was interested in Violet’s kinky wares, they had what was almost certainly
terrible, awkward step-sibling intercourse. And then
Violet woke up, entered in truly unfortunate negligee, and threw Wade around
like a ragdoll before turning her attention and fangs on Adilyn.
And that’s why you don’t follow some crazy-ass vampiress
to a second location, kids.

Andy and Holly spent the episode aimlessly searching for the
missing teens, randomly ending up at Holly’s ex’s lake house. There Andy had a
good cry and Holly was really pretty awesome. She assured Andy that their story
would have a good ending. I’m not sure about all that.

The highlight of the episode was, weirdly, Arlene. I felt
like this episode was a lovely thank-you to Carrie Preston, who has been with
the show since the beginning and sometimes stuck in some thankless storylines.
As much as I loved cholita-glamour Arlene, I am
digging more maturely dressed Arlene. More than that, she had a great scene
with Sam in which she more or less told him he’d be wrong to ditch Bon Temps at
Nicole’s request. And then she had a few scenes with her vampire paramour,
Keith (I think), who would be a lot more attractive if he didn’t dress like the
lamest member of a biker gang based out of Peoria, Illinois. Seriously,
that wallet chain. You are 500-something years old. KNOW BETTER. The
first scene was a V-induced dream, in which Arlene fantasized about hitting it
with a vampire and also did not-right things on the bar’s
pool table. The second scene was actually quite sweet, and very well acted by
Preston. Someone needs to hire her after this show is over.

We got one brief scene with LaFayette
and Lettie Mae digging holes in the backyard of Lettie Mae’s old house, so that storyline is still a thing.

Jason spent the episode shirtless, teasing Sarah Newlin with death via her mental breakdown (also sometimes
shirtless), and quietly dying inside while trying to comfort Hoyt over his
mother’s death. That was partially because his former best friend doesn’t
remember Jason at all due to Jessica’s glamour, and partly because Jason
couldn’t stop lusting over Hoyt’s very attractive new girlfriend. That is going
to end in tragedy, and I’m actually kind of disappointed by that since Hoyt was
the one character who had a really nice endpoint to
his story. He got out, but they had to drag him back in.

Vampire Bill continued to have his very boring flashbacks to
meeting his original wife. I hope those are building up to some big revelation,
because otherwise the only worthwhile element is Bill’s luscious Civil War-era
man wig. His rapid Hep V infection was more or less
blamed on consuming Sookie’s fey blood, which does
make for a kind of irony given the number of times Bill screwed her over. Sookie called irritable dwarf physician Dr. Ludwig, and she
just walkeda round verbally slapping everyone. It was
great. Eventually she ditched that situation when she discovered that Niall was
Sook’s grandfather, stating she wanted no part of any
of it.

Speaking of, professional Colonel Sanders impersonator Niall
did appear, and I am pleased to report that RutgerHauer is now only marginally more bedraggled than he was
the last time we saw him. Which, if memory serves, had him stuck in the hell
dimension in which he trapped Warlo. So I have no
idea how he got out of that. Sookie called Niall to
help Bill, and after tricking her into making pasta (shifty fairy!), he said
he’d try, even though he dislikes Bill. That was a lie too, and Niall
essentially told Sookie that Bill done shit the bed. Sookie was not exactly grateful for the diagnosis. I’m
hoping that’s the last we hear about Sookie’s fairy
nature before the end of the series, because this show is incapable of
executing anything fairy-related in a way that isn’t corny and lame.

Finally, Eric and Pam and the Yakuza interrogated Sarah’s
vamp sister, until diseased Eric freaked out and staked her, snuffing out their
only lead seconds after they discovered that Sarah actually has a cure to Hep V. Pam wants Eric to take it. Eric seems ambivalent
about the prospect. The Japanese contingent wants to synthesize Sarah’s blood,
sell it as New Blood, and use Eric Northman as their spokesvamp.
Great idea;thos ads should
feature as little clothing as possible. Just a tip.

Sarah ended up at the old Fellowship of the Sun compound
from Season 2,where her descent into madness continued. Now, you would think
that any of the people tracking this woman — including the Japanese government,
which presumably has significant technical and financial resources — would take
a moment and make a list of all the likely places Sarah might end up. Because I
would put the Fellowship compound fairly high on there. And yet, there were no
henchmen already waiting there, because these people are idiots who have let
her escape two times already. The episode ended with Pam, Eric, and the
Japanese arriving at the campus, which was not the most exciting cliffhanger.

Oh, actually, that’s not true — the episode ended with Sookie and a Hep V-vein-covered
Bill having unglamorous sex on the floor. Which was also not the most exciting
cliffhanger. So there you go.

This article appears in Aug 6-12, 2014.