“X Factor” Season 2, Episode 2: That defines the word uncomfortable

For the second audition episode we were suddenly back in San
Francisco (despite having gone to Providence at the end of the previous show).
My best friend pointed out while watching the show last night that he likes “X
Factor” because it really isn’t about finding the best singer. It’s about
finding the next pop star. And if you turn on the radio right now, you know
that pop stardom has absolutely nothing to do with singing ability. People like
Rihanna and Katy Perry dominate the charts, but have you ever heard them sing
without AutoTune? Yikes. And yet, they are undeniably
stars.

Johnny Maxwell,
16, is potentially similar in nature. He did an original song called “All These
People.” Johnny’s got a whole lot of confidence, I’ll give him that. As for the
vocal, I wasn’t impressed — he was seriously flat. He was a decent rapper, though,
and he had the crowd and even L.A. Reid into his banal song, which was admittedly
extremely commercial. L.A. said that Johnny is exactly what this show is about.
Demi Lovato talked about the swagger that Johnny has
in spades. Thankfully Simon Cowell brought up the fact that his singing was
weak, but he appreciated the “steel in [Johnny’s] eye.” Four yesses,
and Simon told him that this is “his time.” He is very of-the-moment, that’s
for sure.

Lexa Berman, 22, is a dancer, and surely
heartbroken that “Rock of Love Bus” is no longer on the air. Lexa needs a hug, and for someone to tell her to calm down
and stop trying so hard. She is a walking poster for low self-esteem. Simon
called her “Jersey Shore” meets the Kardashians, and Lexa took that as a
compliment. I sure wouldn’t. The vocal wasn’t terrible, but it was very nasal
and the song was d-u-l-l. Britney Spears said that it was all in one tone, and
boring. Demi called her on the overconfidence and the fact that she is
basically unlikable. Simon wanted to give her a second chance. The others said
no. Demi and Simon had another good father/daughter moment when Simon commented
on Lexa’s luscious booty, and Demi rolled her eyes at
the old pervert sitting next to her.

There was a whole montage of attractive people singing poorly,
which brought the best moment of the night: some little twink
coming out to sing Whitney Houston’s “I Have Nothing,” Britney raising her
hand to stop him, and saying, “You can’t destroy that song, sweetie.”

Jason Brock, 34,
is a flaming tech support guy who dresses like Liberace going to a funeral.
Britney and Jason had a cute rapport, but Simon was clearly not having it at
first. Jason regaled the crowd with his fever dream of what a Jason Brock
concert would be like. I’m sure you will be shocked to hear that it ended with
a glitter explosion. The good news is that Jason can actually sing, and like
many of the gay men who try out for these shows, becomes possessed by the
spirit of a large black woman when he performs. He’s totally over the top –
it’s beyond cabaret. It’s like cabaret at a New York City bathhouse in the
1970’s. And his breath support is terrible. But that guy can sing. Demi loved
him. Simon admitted to initially thinking he was delusional (jury’s still out,
Cowell), but then suddenly they were all “at his concert,” and Simon loved it.
L.A. called Jason a songwriter’s best friend. The girls were all about him. Four yesses for Jason. He should be fun to watch.

Then we returned to Providence so that Pat Ford could terrorize poor Britney. Pat is a hardcore Britney
Spears fan – he said meeting her was tantamount to meeting God (God: “That was
actually me in the video for ‘Toxic'”) — who seems…confused about what he’s
looking for in life. Britney looked deeply uncomfortable with Pat’s entire
spectacle, which involved coming out with a bouquet of flowers, being a weirdo,
and then absolutely destroying “Circus.” Pat was getting actually booed by the
crowd. Pat needs better friends, because those girls who were waiting for him
backstage really should have stopped him from humiliating himself on national
television. That was vicious. Simon graciously took the flowers Pat brought for
Britney, because Britney herself was obviously creeped
out by the entire scene. This show is giving me a better sense of what it must
like to be famous, and how shit like that would drive anybody to shave off
their hair and attack cars with umbrellas.

Carly Rose Sonenclar is 13, and she has really sweet-seeming
parents. Britney has an obvious affinity for children and pre-teens, which she
showed again in her interactions with Carly. Carly did “Feeling Good” by Nina
Simone, and she was effing incredible. Not only can she really sing, but she
was telling the story and emoting believably. It was astonishing. Best vocalist of the season thus far. She’s 13, and she had
surprisingly strong stage presence, given the nerves she exhibited before going
on set. Standing ovation from the judges, and rightly so. Britney called her a
“little diva.” L.A. said that her soul was much older than 13. Simon couldn’t
believe that Carly was actually the one singing that. Demi said she wanted to
buy Carly’s music right now. Not just four yesses, but according to Simon,
“4,833 yesses,” referring to the crowd.

This article appears in Show Time: The Rochester Fringe Festival.